Its been a long time since I scribbled my heart out . Dad passed away during this time . And i don’t know how to deal with the same . i don’t want to show my emotions in front of my family or relatives , nor my friends . The only place my poker face slipped was when i was doing the last rituals , mom asked me ” are you feeling unwell? “.
Actually , i was expecting one idiot to get in touch and maybe fly down to meet me , hold me in a tight embrace (of words) and just nudge me forward . But , guess that person was busy . Adult life !
I miss dad . Everytime i drive his car around , i just ….
I miss his machoistic views on how helpless women are , and me proving him otherwise….
I want to make his favourite fish biryani and see him smile (that’s the height of compliment) . Dad would ask for a second and mostly even a third helping and he would say , that he forgot to watch how much he was eating .
Oh dad , I wish you never left us like this . We miss you .
Lashing out to stupidity is common but not an acceptable behaviour.
Finding it hard to control temper . I’m getting more and more irritated with myself. Unable to take a break since 5 yrs . And now with dad gone , I know it will never happen.
I am afraid that this might lead to me hating my family because I love them. Seems too messed up . But I need some help . Some unknown being to just pull me off this dark loop of thoughts
The duckling gets a mini electrocution today. And she told mom after 5hrs . She was afraid that mom might scold her . Mom and the duckling is off to India . Mom strictly told her not to play with the plugs as they havent been in use for a while . Duckling, being duckling went ahead when mom went to washroom.
The duckling has no regard for her life and is hell bent on doing things which have been strictly mentioned a “no”for her. We cud have lost her today, thanking the Lords above that nothing major came out of the whole thing. Tho i managed to slip in a few choicest words of abuse.
Work has been fine . Last minute prep going on. Typhoon is busy snuggling to me as i write this. My little 5 year old typhoon. I guess I’l make him his favorite toast and egg on Friday .
So now, I’m just going to see a bit of star strek before sleeping.
Good night
Got my first ever heart in a Starbucks coffee cup ..
Mom leaving tomorrow.
And VAT to be clared on 1st week of Jan
Phew ! Merry Xmas and happy new year
To new beginnings
Somedays have been tough . I think my greatest stupidity is thinking that i change the past .
I want the sky , to feel the breeze caress my hair ….
I want the sea , to taste the salt water and just feel happy being caressed by the waves ….
I want to walk on the earth , enjoying the feel of the sand under my feet .
I just want to have some time to myself, and not think about what this need for being alone means …
Somedays i remember the way I felt your hand fed me that food . To this date, when i have that particular food, i can still feel the way your fingers brushed my lips.
I might think up a 100 scenarios , but nothing could ever beat what actually happened in real . Which is nothing but a lot of staring at you.
But for now i need to lock up your memories and move forward in life. I’m on a very tight situation, and there is no place for error. Your memories will have to go into the box in the farthest corner of my being , just like your gift , just like the bits of you i have collected .
I love you, but that is all what i can do. I have a family to take care .
I’m going to wear my cape and see if i can … nah, and do what has to be done .
To new beginnings , there has to be a heartbreaking ending. This is mine. Both the ending and beginning .
Funny, YouTube decides to play Photograph from Me Before You by Ed Sheeran ….
“And if you hurt me
That’s OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
Wait for me to come home”
11 Nov
Had planned 2 -3 days off .. no idea why, but I told mom that my partner in crime might be flying away on a mini vacation
Going to back track tomorrow . Sleep over is anyways cancelled.
3 days of “do what u want” on the way.
-p
#minivacation #needabreak
Mr. R
Bumped into R in the inner circle. Been in touch since 2 days and I’ve never felt so happy in a while . Even though he is 4 yrs younger to me, he seems to be such a matured soul.
Dating is such a weird thing, especially if u are 31 and have no idea how things should work
9.9.18
I’ve got temper issues..
Like I literally blast off when scratched . Even by a 5 yr old . I need to clean up my mess
6.30am : No time to actually sit down and do some cooking . Planning to indulge a lot on bpc today . I have a “high ranking business man” on the messenger chatting to me at this time . I have no idea what he wants … Mr.M had always been clean with the idea that he “feels” I’m good. Phew ! Got to get to work , bathe , breakfast and then work. Long day !
10.30am : feeling very hungry . Just don’t want to eat the egg fry from home … I need labneh along with it .. And i couldn’t buy the same from the store . Ordered for a tuna salad from subway .
1.05pm : officially the lunch time has started. Missing food . 2 fried eggs and 2 cups of coffee later still feeling empty.
6.47pm : I have started dreaming about attacking food . Going to get a diet cola just to kick off the sugar craving.
Day 01 completed ..
The soupy noodle
There was a time when I made fun of soupy noodles . Back then noodles had to be dry and loaded with veggies, fried sausage and scrambled eggs. And it had to be “indomie”.
But today, 10 years down the lane, one of my comfort food is watery “Maggi” noodles with mango pickle (vadu mango pickle aka the baby mango pickle, to be specific)
Tinker Bell 