I am tired these days … I have come to a stage where I just want to crawl into a bed and never wake up…

Seems adult life isn’t as exciting as I thought it wud be


Sick again

Well turns out my body hates me for the abusive I put it through . Fell sick yesterday. Back to work today evening . but I guess I need to think more about myself now.

Finding my sunshine – 001

The maid left today

Just got back from the airport and I am literally done with the driving. I have a very bad backache, leg ache and all the other ache, whatever you can find in the dictionary. It seems that my body is done with all kind of nonsense I’ve been doing to it.

Tomorrow onwards, I am supposed to take over the kitchen duties and my sisters should be helping with the other household chores. I have no idea how long I will be able to hold on. There is a lot of things at work and on top of it, the house work. I have no idea how I am going to juggle it, but women are known to be beautiful at juggling multiple stuff, so I am just gonna take a Leap of Faith let’s see where that leads to …

After all it’s a job as kids to make sure that our parents can get as much as rest and good steaming home cooked food …

Good night

Sleep well

24hr fast

Today i did an unintentional 24hr fast . My first fast . Totally overwhelmed .

Tired of the way things are going . I want to give up . I hate to be the torch bearer , i hate to burn myself .

Can’t say ~ Won’t say

Can’t say ~ Won’t say ~ will lie if forced to respond ~ not in a healthy zone ~

Diet : haven’t been 100% in that front, passive keto . Weight at a stand still
Gearing up for the next session.

My periods wanted some extra attention. Things I didn’t know, any change in diet plans and when it actually works will make your life miserable with lots of periods . Had my longest sickest period …  14 days out of 30 days , i was hosting the “guest”.

Taking in supplements and Vit C tab’s . Feeling ok – ok ….. I so want to run away … away away to the never-never land

Personal life : total mess .. infected by the marriage bug . Going nuts, feels like squashing up those – “curious and helpful family members” …. keechad scene full on .. I hate this feeling .


I adore them, especially the “better half” things . But it the is the same thing which I am afraid off .In this world of immediate hook-ups and f**k buddies, its difficult to think that maybe I should check whether there is someone for me.

I love arrange marriages more because of this reason. It does have a better insurance policy. Moreover, when it fails, at least you have someone to lean in and cry .

I’ve had the arrange marriage scenario once [when i was 22] , 5 months in, we split and then divorce . I’ve tried to seek love, its difficult to stay single when all your friends are getting married and having the next-gen prototypes running around. Its been 7 years. And I’ve realised one thing, my fear of another rejection is sky-high. Maybe because I am aware of the fact that i will not be able to rebuilt myself again.

I am scared and in awe of this thing called love. I want and don’t want someone in life. I need someone sensitive.

Marriage is a jail term for life, with the right partner, the jail can turn to heaven. But with the wrong one it is the worst hell on earth. Been to hell once and have managed to survive. The indian society does not like a divorcee , and if it’s a second time divorcee, the condition is unimaginable.

So while I spend my years pondering over such big issues, I’m just going to keep myself open to the incoming signals….. waiting for that signal who is a bit more sensitive and can wait and help me overcome my own fear …

Time out 01-18 Jun 17

Dear Life,

You have been as asshole. Seriously. Time and again you take things away from me. I’ve always thought “if its mine it will find a way back to me.”

What if I was supposed to find a way to get them back ??

What if i should have never let go of things easily ?

I’m troubled with the “what if’s….” I really would like you to stop. I have had enough for a life time . Our do you think that i’m worth more trouble?

What should i do to just sit back and have a cup of coffee without losing my temper??

What if …

my job vs your job

Today, I had attended an interview after a very long time. The interview was cute. I aced it. Got the job and came home. I’ve never been this confident in an interview and it was quiet a good feeling . But since I left the office, my mind has gone nuts …

Finally, tried a good/bad for the current and new job. It took me that much time to realise, I can’t just give up my baby to a daycare. I can’t sit in the sidelines and cheer.. I got to be holding hands with my baby and seeing everything as it occurs. I have to be with my baby 24×7 . no matter how much i complain about more stress / workload / insane timings. I love my baby.

So, thank you new job. I guess your job was just to give me a slap and a closure. And its done well..

Baby, I’m back. Lets rock n roll ..


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